Monday, February 13, 2012

My Moment of Weakness, a Brain Dump, and My Quest to Save the World

Let's get one thing on the record before I go any further: I've never once regretted my decision to quit my job last year.  Eight months later -- and still jobless -- I feel the same way.  I guess that's saying a lot about me, about the job, about my growth these past months.

But that doesn't mean I don't have my bad days, my low moments, those hours where I want to throw something at the wall because our economy is so bad and I'm worried I'm being too picky and I'm frustrated that I can't pay my bills on my own and I'm not saving or paying down my debt and any number of reasons.  I feel that way.  All the time.

It's the discouragement that's the worst.  And, okay, the embarrassment too.  I'm tired of telling people I'm still looking for work, tired of trying to explain that yes, I went to law school, and no, I'm not trying to be a lawyer.  And I'm tired of getting my hopes up that one of these contacts will pan out, that the networking I'm doing (which, if you know me, you realize is definitely not the easiest thing in the world for someone as shy as I am) will eventually lead to a great job at a great organization with a great paycheck and an even better cause.

But I keep at it, because that's what it takes, I guess. 

And that's how I find myself sitting here on a Monday morning, trying to organize my thoughts so that I can better articulate what it is I want to do with my life.

I want to protect wild places and preserve our earth for seven generations to come.
I want to travel the world learning about other cultures, fighting for human rights, and protecting the planet.
I want to get my hands dirty.
I want to ensure that our world's most vulnerable species are safe.
I want to work on environmental justice campaigns.
I want to make a difference.
I want to support grassroots Indigenous leaders and organizations.
I want to ensure that Big Ag and Big Oil aren't allowed to poison our food supply or planet anymore.
I want to help our underrepresented youth get out into the wide world on eco-travel and service trips.

I want to save the world.  Is that too much to ask?

And yes, I want to write teen fiction too.  But I can do that between my stints as -- apparently -- Super Woman.

I know it'll work out and I'll find something that's a fit, something that I love, eventually.  Deep down, I know it.  Still, I worry, and I stress.  I don't have a plan, so I worry and stress.  I don't know where else to look for these jobs, so I worry and stress.  I don't know where to begin, so I worry and stress.  But I know it'll work out...  It has to.

SO, if any of you out there in the interwebs has any leads, any suggestions, any contacts, any anything that you think would be remotely useful in my somewhat idealistic quest to make this world a better place, please let me know. 

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